So lets try this one more time....
Today I spent my entire day cleaning Andrew’s grandmothers house. She paid me a whopping $48.00.
Now that I am fucking filthy rich lets see all the douche bags who want something from me, try to be my pal. No anyways, I also worked at her house yesterday doing yard work and something gross happened...no no no, I didn't eat my own shit again (I really learned my lesson the first couple of times that happened)
I was on my hands and knees pulling weeds, I picked up a pile of leaves and there was a fucking snake sitting there a foot away from my face. I didn't scream, I just gasped and tried to jump up, but my legs were asleep from sitting on my knees, so I started to fall forward, face first into the snake. Needless to say I freaked out some more and tried to go backwards and away but somehow ended up jetissoning myself into a stack of bricks, scrapping my hands and arms all over. When I tried to stand up again, my legs gave out and I did a belly flop right into her plants. All I could do was laugh. Her slave labor just ruined part of her flower bed and is now laying on the ground laughing about it.
It was funny. I laid there for a few seconds bewildered and bleeding because it just all happened so fast. I then decided to get a really long stick and poke at the snake instead of fixing her plants. It didn't do anything it just sat there, I guess it was impressed by my amazing acrobatics. I wasn't sure if it was even alive so I gently threw some sweet gums balls at it from a safe distance, and it started sticking its tongue out. So it in fact was alive and well. Then I was like, "when it flicks its tongue out like that its not so scary, it kind of reminds me of when Ernie trys to lick the air whenever somebody is eating food near him." But then Andrew's grandma came out shrieking and it uncoiled and started slithering around, I think it knew evil was coming. I'm glad one of us got away.
I don’t wish all snakes to die, I just want them to stay far away from me. Thats not to much to ask is it? I also think I ran one over in the road. Not on purpose, I thought it was a stick that was moving very fast in strange zigzag motions across the road. Sticks do that you know.....(Andrew says " that's not a snake that's a box, or that's just a jackhammer or that's an old tail light from an accident" , but I know better. They are snakes, they are in the road and they can shape shift)
Peace, Love & Chuaz!
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