It’s a little graffic and I am pretty tired.......

Now for some random shit I've said or say:

“Chuaz “ -This has many meanings, it's most commonly used instead of “cheers” or "cheese"

And also

“Suaze” (sue-wahh-say) – It's suave channeling Patrick Swayze from,

“Paterico Suaze” Patrick Swayze's latin name.

“Everlasting ass moper.“ -A name I use for people who never stop being stupid.

"Hi Andrew.......(insert heavy breathing) Uhhh come over to my house and we’ll have a birthday party, and by birthday I mean anal and by party I mean sex...."  -A message I left on Andrew's voicemail before I had actually met him in person.

“Farty douche machine” - As in you are being one...

“I'm so hungry I could eat my own ass” - For when you are very very hungry and because I would never eat a horse.

“But he’s really a sweetheart.......when he’s not trying to guilt you into a blow job... “ - On Travis my gay boyfriend. After he messaged me saying I blue balled him and called me a, and I quote, “total fucker”.

"Always, always, always, eat the evidence"

“ I bet he would get mad if somebody questioned it’s "Authenticity”

- Commenting on an old mans mustache.

“And on that note I have lost the urge to poop....thanks Mom”

- After being read the riot act by my mother.

“I've had shoes and glove boxes destroyed by members of the fat footed community"

“He is a pile of trash......and in that pile there are rotten banana skins, moldy vegetables, rotting meat and also some dog poo. “

“I cannot reveal the details, but lets just say....my butt itches terribly“ 

  - On why I called out of work.

“I went to France, I ate snails, I got diarrhea, The End “ 

“Sticky rice,  just like your balls Russ”

 “Tell her to bring me diamond salad, I'll eat it all and shit it into my own mouth”

“Make sure you try to poop before you leave the house” - Always good advice.

“How would you like to hear from a manager that a customer reported seeing you with poop all over your jacket and arm?”- Larry David style pep talk to myself at work. 

“I will destroy that toilet if I can ever manage to get to it. “

"His eyebrows make your ass look fat"

"Well when your vagina smells like an old shoe..... It's time to upgrade to washing with soap"

 – To a coworker with issues, she didn't laugh but I did.

"I am a beachball lovin bozo and I can’t help it. "

"Her vagina is like an inside out cowboy boot"- My take on why an elderly coworker had a bad attitude.

"I was dissapointed because at my old dentist's office the dental assistants would always rest their big fake breasts on my face as they cleaned my teeth. They don't do that here" – When asked by the receptionsit on why I didn't enjoy my visit.

"I just may have to Dan Funk myself later on."- A Dan Funk is a graphic sexual act I made up long ago. 

"It’s a little graphic and I am pretty tired. You know how all that talk about fingers in buttholes gets me crazy so if I start now I wont be able to get to sleep. Or I’ll wake up in a very uncomfortable position again. "

"Well guys my butthole may double as a vagina but I’m not taking it up the ass for anybody tonight!"

“Don't worry, I'm just kidding, I don't really have AIDS.”

"He's just like my grandmother,  a total cocksucker" - This is a spoiler for another blogball to be posted at a later date.

Chuaz for now!